Where it all began...

I had a routine monthly appointment with Dr. Rech (my local OB) on tuesday, October 11. I told her I had been spotting lightly and she checked my cervix, telling me that I was 1 centimeter dilated, which is definitely NOT a good thing at only 29 weeks. She seemed unconcerned, and suggested that perhaps my high risk OB in burlington would want to monitor me or double check my cervix, since I was seeing them later that day. We travelled to Burlington, VT for our ultrasound and high risk OB appointment, and everything looked good on the ultrasound. There was some extra fluid around the baby, but the doctor seemed confident that it was not an issue to be concerned about, and ordered a few blood tests, and they sent me on my way. I wasnt having any contractions, or any other signs that could indicate preterm labor, so none of us were worried. I was scheduled to work the following 8 days in a row, so I couldnt afford to be concerned. I worked my split shift on Wednesday, and I felt pretty crappy the whole day. just sore all over, couldnt get comfortable where I was. Rowan hadnt been moving too much either, but it had happened a few months in a row, he would have a quiet day, and I would be sore as hell all over, but he would be fine the next day, so I assumed he was having another "growing day". I had a few mild contractions at work and while driving home that evening, but they werent regular at all, and werent that painful. I eventually fell asleep, and they had appeared to have stopped. I woke up at 12:30 am to use the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding quite a bit more than I had been before. being the worrier that I am, I called the on-call doctor, who thankfully was my favorite midwife from my OB's office. She told me to head in to labor & delivery, and said she would meet me there...

I quickly got dressed, told jason to set his alarm so he could bring abbie to school in the morning, and said id call him if anything was going on....neither one of us thought anything was happening, and i figured id be home later that day on strict bedrest maybe....little did i know...

When I arrived at the hospital, after driving myself the 15 minutes there, I had to have someone from the ER walk me upstairs to  L&D. The nurses got me out of my clothes and onto a bed, where they hooked me up to all sorts of monitors and machines. I still wasnt feeling all that bad, and hadnt really had much in the way of contractions. They asked me a million and three questions about every aspect of my life while we waited for the midwife to arrive. She got there not long after I did, and proceeded to do a few tests, monitor some small contractions that i was hardly feeling...and she took a look at my cervix. she said she could see bulging membranes (meaning that my water was close to breaking) so she ran a test to detect if I was leaking amniotic fluid. the test came back positive. The OB on call showed up then, and checked my cervix again. Not only was I leaking fluid, I was also 8 centimeters dilated! At this point, I was told that I was not stable enough to transport to Fletcher Allen, where I was supposed to give birth. The doctor said that they would have the NICU transport team from Fletcher Allen come over to get the baby after he was born, but that I had to have the emergency c-section at CVPH. I think this is when I broke down. How could this be happening to me? WHY was this happening to me? HOW am i going to handle this? The midwife, Bridget, held my hand, and told me that she knows its hard but that I needed to calm down for the baby. it was hard to compose myself but I managed. I had Bridget call Jason, and he had to wake abbie up and bring her in. He called his mom, and mine, and everyone met at the hospital. I had my mom take abbie to her house to go back to sleep since it was 3 am. I met with an anaesthesiologist, and a bunch of nurses, and was really overwhelmed. I think i went into autopilot at that point. Luckily, I have had a c-section before so that part was not worrying me. I knew what to expect. When the team from Fletcher Allen arrived, I was wheeled into the operating room, I was given a Spinal, and Jason came in, and the doctors went to work. It didnt take long to get to Rowan once they started the surgery. However, they were surprised first when they found that my placenta was anterior, meaning it was in front of the baby, instead of above him at the top of my uterus where it belongs. My ultrasound the previous day had shown a placenta in the proper place, so this was a shock to everyone. The next shock came when they discovered that Rowan was in a transverse position, which was strange since for many months, he had been head down....They had to pull a little bit to get him out, but they got him, and boy was he tiny (I heard, I couldnt see him obviously) He had a rough first minute in the world, but after that he pinked up nicely and started screaming, which is an awesome sign from such a premature baby! he was brought to the nursery immediately so that the NICU team could do their job. It took a little bit to get me closed up and into recovery.

I had to wait another couple of hours before they had prepared Rowan for transport to Fletcher Allen, and then they brought him to see me briefly. He looked so tiny in that big incubator. Our little guy had a really long road ahead of him....I knew Id be fine, but my main worries were with him...

Jason and his mother followed the transport team to Fletcher Allen. I obviously had to stay in Plattsburgh, at CVPH. I was worried, and the only thing that kept me from calling Jason repeatedly was the fact that I was delirious from the drugs theyd given me. As soon as I got a chance, I called, and demanded that he call me with any and every update. Nothing in the world has been harder than having my little baby taken to a completely different state, while I had to be left behind. There was no way I could be transferred to VT, believe me, I asked. I had to tough it out in town. Jason assured me repeatedly that Rowan was stable, and that he would be fine. This did not stop me from calling the NICU four or five times during that first night...The nurses were great at reassuring me that everything was fine. They must be used to paranoid parents calling them constantly...


Rowan was scheduled to have his spinal closure surgery at 7:30 am on Friday, October 14.  It was so hard for me to not call a million times to see how it was going, even though there was no way for anyone to know how it was going until it was over. Jason finally called around 11:30 and said that Rowan had just come out of surgery and that he did great! This calmed my nerves, but I know that he is not out of the woods yet, as now we have a bunch of preemie issues to overcome, which will probably be more prevalent than any issues stemming from the Spina Bifida.

Meanwhile, I was still stuck in the hospital in Plattsburgh, and I was going a little stir crazy. I wasnt feeling all that bad, plus I was really lonely. I ended up begging the doctor to let me go home. Luckily for me, they were inclined to agree with me, because they knew how much I wanted to get over to be with my baby. I got released around 5 Friday night. Now we could go to vermont first thing in the morning.

I actually managed to get a decent nights sleep. Probably more from exhaustion than anything else. its not easy to sleep at the hospital. I woke up at 6 the next morning, and was pretty much ready to go right then. I had to wait though. had to get jason and abbie up and ready, we had to stop a few places in town first....but im not patient. We got over there a little before noon. I had my first experience in the NICU. Jason had spent the past two days here, so i felt a little strange since its my first time. I almost felt like I was a bad mommy because I had had to stay away for two days, even though i know it was beyond my control, since i was sliced in half and what not....

Baby Rowan is lying on his side in his very own room, with a sheet of saran wrap stretched over the top of his bed. I ask the nurse what its for and she explains that its a way of helping him to stay warm, since preemies have a difficult time regulating their body temps. He is so tiny...and he has tubes and wires coming from his feet, his belly button, and theres a tube down his throat. hes sedated, so hes not really awake. His eyes are closed, but hes moving his legs and arms around quite a bit. I reached my hand under the plastic wrap and i rub his arm, and his leg, and i touch his foot, and i bet that tickled! because he twitched his whole leg!

The nurse that was taking care of him was telling us that his kidneys are working way too hard and he was peeing way too much. This had me pretty concerned, and when she asked if we wanted to speak with the attending physician, I of course said yes please.

Dr. Fister came and met us within minutes. He started by telling us that Rowan's lungs are very "happy" despite his premature age. However, our little guy has started having pauses between his independent breaths, which can be an issue. They want to leave him on a ventilator until they are sure he will do okay breathing on his own. Hopefully that will be very soon...And the issue with his kidneys is not actually kidney related at all, as far as the doctor can tell. He thinks it is more of an issue with the central nervous system, which makes alot mroe sense considering the spinal surgery Rowan just had. Basically, his body is not peeing out the sodium that he is intaking from the IV fluid, its just releasing the water, and storing the sodium, and the doctor thinks this may be caused by hydrocephaly, which is an excess of fluid in the brain. Its something that occurs in 90% of all spina bifida cases, so we were expecting it. The ways to resolve that issue are to either put in a shunt, which is a tube in the brain that takes the excess fluid and disposes of it, or having a reservoir put in, which is similar to a shunt, only it needs to be manually emptied. The neurosurgeon prefers to do the reservoir on babies that are as small as ours is....hopefully these are just small bumps in the road, and things that can be fairly easily fixed...

We are heading over today to stay until wednesday morning. We are fortunate enough to be staying at the ronald mcdonald house, and it will be nice being able to spend alot of time with our little fighter. Im hoping that we will be able to hold him soon...I think there is a healing property to a parents touch that is beyond what medicine can do...it might be just what he needs...

We are trying to take everything day by day, hour by hour....but i know in the back of our minds, we are hoping that out little boy can come home with us as soon as he is ready....and we hope that that is sooner rather than later...

Im hoping to use this blog to relay updates and information, and pictures, to all of our family and friends who are keeping Rowan in their thoughts and prayers.