The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul

As 2011 comes to a chilly, icy close, I'm thinking back on how life has changed this year. Obviously, the biggest and most exciting change is this little miracle whos lying in his fishtank asleep right next to me. in his 80 or so short days on this earth, this little guy has taught us so much. We've learned to love more, we've learned to have more patience, we've found strength that we didnt know we had. We've also learned that everything happens for a reason, and we have no control over things. What we can control is how we cope with what life hands us. Alot of people would look at our little guy, and the strikes he has against him, and think about how difficult his life may be. We look at him, despite the strikes against him, and think about how wonderful his life will be, and how strong and beautiful he is, and how he has filled such a large place in our hearts. He has fought the odds against him since the minute he was born, and we have no doubt that he will continue to do so, and we will do everything in our power to give him everything he needs to thrive <3

Rowan has had a very busy few weeks since I posted last. He had surgery to place his gastrostomy tube in his stomach, and at the same time the surgeon repaired two hernias, and circumsized him. He came back to the NICU from his surgery, fighting the ventilator, so they took it out pretty quickly. Hes been doing wonderfully ever since.

A few days after the surgery, the question was brought up of when he can go home. The doctors felt he was pretty much ready, just needed to tie up some loose ends...get his car seat challenge, his synagis shot, that sort of thing. Also we needed to decide on a vendor for our at home supplies. After calling around, we found that only one vendor could supply us with everything we needed, so the order was placed and we had to sit and wait for the supplies to arrive from the warehouse, or wherever they come from. After being told that it could be three to seven days before they arrived, and then who knows how many days until the vendor could come set stuff up at our house, we began the fight to at least get Rowan transferred to CVPH so we could be with him all the time, and take care of him,and be close to home. Plus, at CVPH, grandparents and siblings are allowed to visit...a luxury we had not had for 2 months. His family has been waiting a long time to hold him.

Finally, thursday, after making numerous phone calls, and possibly frustrating  a few people, we got the good news that Friday morning, at 8:30 am, Rowan would begin the trek back to Plattsburgh. Jason and I went to VT first hing friday morning, and arrived shortly before the transport team got him loaded into his travelling fishtank. We got to say goodbye to his primary nurse, Mary, who made our NICU experience a bit less stressful, and we collected all the gooodies that had accumulated during our lengthy stay. We followed the ambulance all the way to CVPH. The trip was very smooth, and Rowan slept the whole way there.

It took us a little bit to get settled and get into a routine, but I think now Ive gotten things figured out, and we've began altering his feeding schedule so that we arent awake every 3 hours all night long. Not entirely sure how itll work, but its worth a shot. Going to talk to Dr. Lawrence about possibly looking into continuous feeds overnight. Worth a shot anyway.

Grandma Nina finally got to snuggle her first grandbaby yesterday! he fell right asleep in her arms, so obviously a very comfy boy. My mom has a sinus infection, but hopefully she can visit tomorrow. Ive been staying here at CVPH so I can do (most) of the care. Last night, though, Ill admit, I let one of the nurses do one of his feedings, because I was just exhausted, and this week long tension headache is kicking my butt. Feeling much more human today after a shower and a coffee :)

Abbie finally got to meet her little brother. Not too sure what she thought, but she loved that he would hold her finger, and she fetched some clean diapers for us, and held his pacifier in his mouth for him. I think she will be a great big sister. I hope anyway...She had lots of questions! "How does he eat?" "Why does he have two pacifiers?" "Where is his food?" "Can I hold him?" and so on and so on. Shes very curious about this tiny human. haha





Hopefully, when our vendor opens their offices on tuesday, they will have our equipment, and I will bother them until they come and set it up, because this little man wants to go home! And I want to go sleep in my own bed! Not that Ill be getting all that much sleep but still!

It's been a long, hard road, but the end is in sight....nothing can stop us now!

So as if my life wasnt busy enough, I decided to go back to work for a few weeks to make a little extra money until Rowan comes home (when I will stop working and devote my attention to him). Our little guy has been pretty busy himsellf. He's been doing great since he had his shunt put in! His head circumference has remained stable, and he hasnt really had any alarms at all! hooray for a super strong little boy!

 After he recovered from his surgery, we decided to try and feed him orally, both with a bottle and breastfeeding. He latched pretty well, and seemed to enjoy breastfeeding but would fall asleep so it wouldnt really accomplish too much...and everytime we tried giving him a bottle, he would desat. The "feeding team" was called in to evaluate him and they didnt succeed either in giving him a bottle. He would suck and suck, and then desat, so we would remove the bottle, and he wouldnt have gotten much of anything out of it. A baby of his gestational age should pretty much be fine with nursing or bottle feeding, so the occupational therapist deduced that his problem was most likely caused by the PVL. Im not entirely sure how much I believe that this is the cause of his delay, but they seem pretty convinced. They strongly recommended that we have a g-tube placed, so that Rowan can get all the nutrition he needs while still working on feeding orally. To me, it seemed more like they were kind of writing him off because of his neurological status. After some convincing, we agreed to the g-tube, and we plan to find occupational therapists in NY that can help us, because i refuse to have someone give up on my child.

His g-tube placement surgery is scheduled for tuesday, december 20. Unfortunately, this means that we probably wont be able to bring him home by christmas, as he needs time to heal from the surgery, and we need time to learn how to feed him. It was also discovered the other day that Rowan has an inguinal hernia that will be repaired in the same surgery on tuesday. He will also be circumcised while under the anesthesia. We know he does well with surgeries, so we are confident that all will go well! The best news; once he recovers from the surgery, HE CAN COME HOME!

He is currently hanging out in the transitional nursery, in his big boy crib, because the NICU was full, and hes pretty much fine. Once surgery is over, he will go back to the NICU until he recovers. Its nice to have the week of peace and quiet in NTS though, and he gets to wear clothes! He no longer fits in preemie clothes! Hes a gigantic 5 lbs 11 oz as of today, but im sure that will change! he will no doubt be 6 lbs by the time he comes home! He also received his immunizations yesterday, since it was his two month birthday! I cant believe its been that long already! We are definitely ready to bring him home! He needs constant mommy and daddy snuggles, not just a few days out of the week!